A Skeptic's Guide to Choosing the Perfect Type of Meditation

Look, I get it. The idea of sitting still and trying to “clear your mind” sounds about as appealing as watching paint dry.

🙉But hear me out – there might be something to this whole meditation thing.

And with so many different types of meditation out there, there’s bound to be one that doesn’t make you want to pull your hair out. So, let’s dive into the wonderfully weird world of meditation, shall we?

1. Mindfulness Meditation (AKA “Trying Not to Think About Your To-Do List”)

Mindfulness meditation is all about being present in the moment. Which sounds easy enough, until you realize your mind has wandered off to that embarrassing thing you said in high school for the 47th time. Here’s how to give it a shot:

• Find a quiet spot and get comfy
• Focus on your breath
• When your mind inevitably wanders, gently bring it back to your breath
• Repeat until enlightenment (or until your leg falls asleep)

2. Loving-Kindness Meditation (Or “Sending Good Vibes to Everyone, Even Your Ex”)

Loving-kindness meditation involves sending positive wishes to yourself and others. Yes, even that coworker who always steals your lunch from the fridge. Try it out:

• Close your eyes and picture yourself
• Mentally send yourself some love and compassion
• Extend those warm fuzzy feelings to your loved ones, acquaintances, and eventually all beings
• Feel the love, you hippie you

3. Mantra Meditation (Because Sometimes You Just Need to Chant It Out)

In mantra meditation, you repeat a word or phrase to help focus your mind. It’s like a personal hype-up session, but with less fist-pumping. Give it a whirl:

• Choose a mantra that resonates with you (“I am at peace” or “Om shanti om” are classics)
• Find a comfy seat and close your eyes
• Repeat your mantra silently or out loud
• When your mind wanders, come back to your mantra

4. Guided Visualization (AKA “Imagining Yourself on a Beach, Sans Sand in Your Shorts”)

Guided visualization involves using your imagination to transport yourself to a calming scene. It’s like a mini-vacay for your mind. Here’s how to do it:

• Find a relaxing guided visualization recording (there are tons of free ones online)
• Get cozy and close your eyes
• Follow along with the visualization, engaging all your senses
• Emerge feeling refreshed and slightly less likely to snap at your spouse

5. Body Scan Meditation (Because Sometimes You Forget You Have Toes)

Body scan meditation involves bringing awareness to each part of your body, from head to toe. It’s like a roll call for your limbs. Try it out:

• Lie down and close your eyes
• Start at the top of your head and mentally scan down your body
• Notice any sensations, tension, or tingling in each body part
• When you reach your toes, take a deep breath and open your eyes

The Bottom Line

Meditation doesn’t have to be some serious, stuffy practice. There are tons of different types to choose from, so don’t be afraid to experiment until you find one that clicks. And if all else fails, just remember – even a few minutes of mindfulness is better than none at all.

So go ahead, give meditation a shot. Your mind (and maybe even your ex) will thank you. 🙏